


easily

by wayvmoons (sundayverny)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life, and wonwoo too, but it takes them too long to work on it?, cheol as your twin???, don't expect, feelings! reconnection!, nct/wayv members only have small cameos, svt 95z cameos, taeyong is cute wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25337518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundayverny/pseuds/wayvmoons
Summary: it's the last minutes of his birthday and you're the old friend of his who crams a letter for him and puts it out into the void. will it find its way to him?
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Reader
Kudos: 15





	easily

**Author's Note:**

> initially posted in [twitter!](https://twitter.com/dreamcomets/status/1280450544172064768?s=20) (if you want some few visuals, you can also check it out. . . it's just a few pics though and some socmed screenshots heehee) also!!! didn't get to actually Proofread this so, sorry for any typos and errors!
> 
> anyway, this is the first nct fic i've ever written (and actually the first ever fic i'm putting out in this platform so um, i hope people enjoy ??? ? ?
> 
> (+++ [fic playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6SW7MquvOexzPvR8BoHz9K?si=ZbV992wrRb69i1YmopMOvw)!)

You sat at your bed, sighing after a long day. You've been feeling restless lately, but you can't get yourself to sleep and you think the solution to that is to tire your eyes out by being on your laptop or your phone for hours.

And so you did. You had your laptop opened, ready to watch anything to entertain you. But before you could even do so, you decided to check your socials to check if anybody had messaged you.

_Nothing._

You were scrolling through your feed for one last time when you found a picture of somebody grinning with a birthday hat on, eyes squinted, the picture of the boy captioned with ' _happy birthday!!'_

You knew the boy. Or at least you did. At one point in your life.

The photo was posted by a mutual friend, and thinking about the greeting, your eyes shifted from the post to your clock, the small-time indicator at the corner of your laptop screen. It read ' _11:32 PM'_ and then below at that text was today's date, _07/01/2020._

"Oh," you muttered, realizing something as if it's not obvious enough with the post. "It's his birthday today."

"Happy birthday. . ." you whispered to the air, hoping it would deliver the message to him.

Okay, _fine_. You knew him. Not as much as a best friend would, but you both were good friends. 'Too good,' you thought sometimes, wondering if you deserved him at that part in your life. Or if you ever deserved him in your life at all.

Your friendship with him was something you always treasured; something you've always kept in this tiny corner in your heart. Friends and people have thrown questions at times, whether there was something beneath the companionship you and the boy had, but neither the two of you had got to that point where you had to question such things. So you both just kept mum about it, ignored if ever there was _something_ , and went on with your usual lives.

It's always been you and him, hasn't it?

But no matter how much you treasure something as precious as this, the universe would find its way to ruin the good things; to take away what people wanted to keep in their fragile hands, and just. . . let everything go away.

Some other things really are just inevitable–bound to happen–and that was what happened.

Life has just its way of getting in the way, right? And so it did. It did get in between you and him.

Your thoughts dig deeper into your memories, and just like that–turning to _this_ photo of him on your feed–you could hear his laugh at the back of your mind as if it was just yesterday you last saw him.

_God, how long has it been?_

From your laptop, your eyes take its way to the piece of cork board hanging on top of your bed's headboard. Full of polaroids you keep of your _now_ closest friends, you realize, _he_ doesn't have space there anymore.

Or another way to put it is, you didn't want him to take space in that frame of tangible memories you wanted to keep. Time has kept up with your life and you meet new people every now and then, letting them into your life. . .

And he was just stuck _there_ , at that part of your youth that you find yourself coming back to during times you wanna go back and just find happy pieces of your life, and you're not even gonna lie, there's a huge part of him in there. But for you to move forward, just as time had kept up, you didn't need to stay someplace where none of the pieces of the past exists in your present.

But does he still have a place in your life still?

_Fuck, I hate being alone, and I have to think of t h i s._

You were about to fall deeper into your thoughts when you suddenly heard your phone make a sound beside you.

-

**cheol**

_are you there?_

_pls tell me ur awa ke_

**you**

_its almost midnight what the hell is up_

**cheol**

can u pick me up?????

_excuse me? ? ?? NO_

**you**

_god are u drunk_

**cheol**

_i am . i think i am_

**you**

🤦🏼

**cheol**

_listen_

_jjong dragged me into this party_

**you**

_get home by yourself, cheol_

**cheol**

_no pick me up_

_did u know it's taeyong's party_

_its been a while since i last saw him_

_i didnt know jjong knows him, i was just shocked when i realized it was his party_

_do u guys still talk???_

**you**

_WHY DO U HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS_

_f i hate u when ur drunk do u know that_

**cheol**

_why arent u here arent u guys friends or smth_

_u guys were tight b4_

**you**

_are u serious right now_

**cheol**

_im drunk what do u think_

**you**

_F_

_see, we moved universities alright sjaksjdkj_

_its hard to catch up with old friends cheol_

_isnt it the same thing w u and jeonghan_

**cheol**

_yea but we caught up now and that sucks for u my twin_

**you**

_haha ur funny_

_get home by urself idc ❤_

**cheol**

_lol nvm i asked josh to pick us up_

**you**

_🙄🙄🙄_

_keep safe!!!_

**cheol**

_yea u too_

**you**

_im at home cheol!!!!_

**cheol**

_lol aight byeee i think jeonghan ran out of the bar nowjdjssm_

**you**

_👋🏼_

_tell josh to text me when hes finally dropped u off at ur place_

_i know u wont bother texting me by then_

**cheol**

_aw my twin cares for me_

**you**

_shut up_

**cheol**

_love u 😚_

**you**

_🤮_

-

You grunted in annoyance because of your brother, also because he's not even helping, especially now that you're having thoughts about _Taeyong_.

Out of the memories that kept running in your mind were words you wanted to tell if ever you were to greet him last minute. This is why you don't want to feel things at this time of the night. Words just come rushing into your head and if you don't let them out, they'll end up dragging you in a rabbit hole of emotions and you don't want that.

So now you find yourself opening a new Docs file, and started to type. . .

**dear zero,**

You chuckled at yourself after typing that out. _How long has it been since I last called him 'Zero'?_

You can suddenly hear his voice in your head, the laugh he made that day when you called him _zero_ for the first time. You were both walking out of the university, Taeyong had just been your friend for a few months now but you guys just sort of clicked as if you've known each other for a long while already.

Your friend Kun says it's probably your star signs and birth charts, mentioning it to you one night of staying up late with him for a project, after finding out you've got a new friend under your wing, but you were never one to believe what the universe has to tell (aside from the fact that it just somehow helps you understand yourself), so you shrugged it off.

"Hey, Yong!" you see Doyoung, one of Taeyong's closest friends, just a few meters away from the both of you. Laughter draws out of you when you see his friend almost trip. Rushing towards the both of you, he cackles at himself too.

Doyoung nods at you in acknowledgment, a smile coming across his face, so you give a smile back. He turns to your friend, putting his hand on his shoulder. "You coming to Jaehyun's gig later?"

Taeyong glances at you, to which you just return a close-lipped smile at him, and then he looks back at Doyoung, shrugging with a pout. "I don't know. . . I'm walking this one back home."

You catch a teasing smile from Doyoung's face, which confused you for a moment. Taeyong's friend just nodded and said, "Okay, I'll tell Jae. Keep safe, you guys." He pats your friend's shoulder and then walks off, and rushes to his class for the evening.

"Shouldn't you go to Jaehyun's gig? You're expected to be there, aren't you?" you asked him, worried because you knew how much time he spent with them before and he's only ditching it. . . because he's walking you home.

He shook his head. “They expect me to be there because they’re putting me as the designated driver after the gig. . . So I’d just pass,” he explained, chuckling, knowing his friends so well. “Besides, I still have a project to work on, so I wouldn’t want to have a night wasted on. . .” Taeyong trails, and then smiles, looking at you as he explained. “. . .taking care of my friends.”

You both fell into laughter as soon as he said that. Immediately judging him fakely, you tutted and huffed, crossing your arms as you both walked side by side, already meters away from the campus. “Oh, Taeyong. Such a bad friend,” you said.

He nudged you with his shoulder, almost making you trip by suddenly losing balance. Taeyong immediately wrapped his arm around you, laughing embarrassed and apologetically at the same time. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it,” he says as he prevented you from literally falling to the ground due to his actions. “You did that on purpose! You really wanted me to trip!” you accused him jokingly, as you laughed.

His arm slipped off your shoulder and his hands found their way to the straps of his bag, gripping on it; feeling a bit awkward by what he just did. Taeyong clears his throat to brush it off. “Just because I’m ditching them doesn’t mean I’m a bad friend,” he spoke up, hearing the defensiveness in his tone. “I have my reasons.”

He got no answers from you and just saw you nod, immediately assuming you didn't believe him, which urged him to say, “For real. I have to do something later.”

“I get it, Taeyong,” you told him with a hand on his shoulder to reassure him that you believe him and that you’re just messing with him.

“And. . .” he says in a softer tone, then pauses.

“Hmm?” You turned your head to him, watching the hesitation in his eyes as you both walked past the usual cafe you hang out at.

Taeyong lets a few more seconds pass before he says anything.

“. . .your company’s nice. I’d rather be with you than hang out with a bunch of dumbasses.”

You laugh at him, a tinge of nervousness stirs in your chest for an unknown reason. To shrug it off, you pushed him lightly. “Yeah, you’re such a bad friend,” you repeat, annoying him more about it.

Both of your giggles die down when you suddenly hear somebody calling him, a distance away from the both of you. “Yong-hyung! Yong-hyung!”

Taeyong immediately snaps his head to turn to the person calling him. You both stop your tracks to turn to the boy. “Oh, Haechan!” your friend blurts out as soon as he saw the boy, running towards where you both stopped.

“Yong-hyung,” the boy, _Haechan_ as Taeyong called him, panted. He paused and tried to catch his breath for a few seconds, even putting his hand on his chest. Now you’re wondering how far he has run just to catch up with you.

“Why? Is there anything for me to do?” Taeyong asked, already having a slight guess of what the boy was about to tell him.

“Just one last thing about the org meeting earlier. Ma’am was finding some papers from last month’s event. Was wondering if you have it. . . It’s just that, I already want to work on planning about the next event,” Haechan exhaled. “God, I don’t even know why they’re putting me in this position,” he added, complaining.

You wanted to laugh at him, noticing the annoyance in his face. You understand where the boy’s coming from. That was also one of the reasons why you slowly got inactive with the clubs you joined in uni. Everything’s just taking your time from your real priority.

Sometimes you wonder how Taeyong does it. He seems like he has the time for everything despite how hectic the university activities have been. The dude even has time to hang out with you as much as he can. _I’m not even worth his time_ , you muttered internally, as you just stood there, between the two boys talking about org things.

As soon as Taeyong had finished instructing Haechan about the paperwork and gave tips about the event planning, the boy thanked him. “You are an angel, Yong-hyung! Thank you, I’ll be heading back now.” The boy bid goodbye, and so did your friend. “Bye, Haechan!”

You just cackled at how Taeyong said goodbye and off you both go, turning to the direction you should be taking. The flat you’re living in wasn’t really that far from the university, but for some reason, ever since you and Taeyong got lost on the way home one time a few weeks ago, you’ve been taking _this_ long way home.

And though it takes some of your time, instead of having the chance to instantly slump on your bed and call it a day by taking the shortcut, somehow these walks with him seem to be comforting. _Taeyong’s company is nice too_ , you thought ever since that day.

The two of you were just about to turn a corner when another person called his attention again. “Yong,” a man called.

You both looked up and saw Yuta standing there. Taeyong groaned right away as soon as he saw his friend, and you already know why.

“What? I haven’t even said anything yet?” his friend says, feeling attacked and then laughs, turning to you. “Can you believe him?”

You just shrugged to make Taeyong more annoyed, teasing him. Taeyong immediately gives you the side-eye, telling you it’s not funny so you immediately hold up your hands, dropping the matter already.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with us in Jaehyun’s gig later? C’mon, nobody’s gonna drive us home,” Yuta started.

“I can’t go, I have a project to work on later. I already told you in the group chat,” Taeyong answered.

“But how-” He immediately cuts his friend off. “Bye, Yuta! Good luck getting home later,” Taeyong told him, patting his shoulder with a smile, and he immediately pulls you by the hand, dragging you away with him from his friend. “Try not getting drunk, that’s the best way to go!” he added, not even looking back at Yuta, which you chortled at.

“Taeyong, you really are a bad friend,” you muttered, as you both started walking. “Just go with them. It wouldn’t hurt to hang out with them anyway. You’re friends in the first place.”

“They always just want to get babied, and I don’t? That’s unfair,” he complained, which makes you want to laugh more. _Yeah, he does want to be the one to be babied. A whole ass child._

“Yong!” you hear Yuta call him, but he just ignores his friend. It is as if he usually does that. And you’re betting he does. All the time.

“But seriously,” you insisted, looking at him. He just looks back at you wide-eyed, acting all innocent. You roll your eyes at him and flicks his forehead. “Taeyong, just go with them. I’ll be fine. You also need a break anyway. You’ve been drowning yourself the past week with uni work. You need to at least let loose. . .?” you say, trying to convince him.

“Yooooong!” Yuta shouts, prompting Taeyong to roll his eyes.

“Nah, they’ll be good without me. They’ll find ways anyway to get home,” he tells you. And then gives Yuta a glance, already meters away from you, stuck at the place you left him a few minutes ago. “Yuta, just go without me! Keep safe!” He ends with a wave and a taunting smile, and you could see Yuta getting annoyed with him as well. You chuckle at how they’ve been talking for the past minutes already.

“Fine!” Yuta shouts back as a reply. “See you tomorrow for dance practice! Bye, Yong” his friend adds, and Taeyong sighs in relief as he looks back and sees his friend already walking away.

“Doesn’t the nickname annoy you sometimes?” you blurt out as a thought had entered your head, thinking about the people you ran into earlier while you were with Taeyong. You know how he’s known around the campus, it’s just that sometimes it shocks you, seeing how many people know and adore him because of his abilities and capabilities.

“Huh?” he replied, baffled.

“The _Yong_ nickname. . . Doesn’t it annoy you?” you asked genuinely. “It’s just that, I noticed they keep calling you ‘Yong’.”

Taeyong shrugs, pupils darting towards the sky, also thinking about the reason why. “I don’t know, actually. I guess it just caught up with them?” he says, trying to answer your question. “I guess the name _Taeyong_ is a mouthful already. Maybe they want to keep it short. I don’t know.”

Passing by another diner, he sees some of the people he knows from uni and tries to give each one of them a smile in acknowledgment.

“Hi, Yong!”

“Yong, I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“Don’t forget about tomorrow’s submission, Yong!”

You laugh as you try counting the people who called him. You could see how Taeyong tried to give them attention even for a few seconds. You couldn’t blame him though. He’s a student leader, of course, he’d be known throughout the campus.

“Yong, Yong, Yong, Yong, Yong,” you say, imitating the voices of his acquaintances, trying to tease him.

“God, you’re getting annoying,” Taeyong mutters under his breath, making you laugh harder than you should.

“Ah,” you say, pursing your lips to pause. “So if I say it, it’s annoying.”

“No, you know I don’t mean that,” he says, taking it back, slightly panicking you’re taking it seriously. “I would _never_ find you annoying.”

“Okay, then.”

Taeyong sighs in relief, now putting his hands on the pockets of his hoodie, appreciating the comfortable silence that envelops the both of you.

“Yong, Yong, Yong, Yong, Yong,” you blurted out of nowhere, breaking the silence, and laughed as he jumped, startled.

“I hate you, what the heck,” he says, and then chuckles at how he reacted.

“No, you don’t!”

“Mhmm,” Taeyong hums as a response, just watching you laugh at him. _Ah, the best thing about these walks._

“Zero,” you say, looking straight ahead at the street you’re walking by and glances at him.

“Huh?”

“I’ll just call you _Zero_ since everybody calls you ‘Yong’ anyway.”

With furrowed brows, he says, “Why Zero?”

You chuckled first before explaining further. “Just translate it in Korean, Taeyong,” you said shortly, waiting for him to process.

Realizing what you meant—that _zero_ also meant 영, sounding alike to the nickname taken out from his name—Taeyong rolls his eyes at you. “You calling me _zero_ is just the same as the possible reason why people just call me _Yong_. Zero even has the same number of syllables as Taeyong! What are you saying?”

He laughs more, as he waits for you to explain yourself. “At least I don’t call you Yong,” you say. He just continues with chuckling so you push him again because he’s probably not listening to you anymore.

“Listen, Taeyong. It’s unique,” you added.

He composes himself, his stomach still hurting from the laughing he did due to you being unintentionally and irrationally funny.

“Okay. I guess I’ll be _your_ Zero,” Taeyong says, accepting the name you made for him. Well, not like you really made it, but it’s a name—an endearment—from you and he’ll take what comes out of this friendship even if it’s just _that_.

“Then if I’m your Zero, you’ll be my _One_ ,” he adds, clicking his tongue, slowly liking this endearment thing going on between the two of you. “Uno.”

“And what does it even have to do with my name, Mister Zero?” you asked, completely baffled to where he got that. You know it’s just numbers, but you simply did not get that.

“That’s for you to find out,” Taeyong says, putting an arm around you, already eyeing the building where you’re staying. It was just across the street.

You both stop, looking out for cars passing by. “That’s pretty unfair, Taeyong, given the fact that I completely explained why I’m starting to call you that name from now on, and all I get is nothing,” you muttered, complaining.

He shook his head in amusement, holding out his hand to you. “Let’s go, Uno?”

“I officially hate Zero,” you say, completely conflicting with how you took his hand and crossed the road.

You sighed, completely slouching in your chair after having that memory in your head. Ever since that time, you became close, completely having each other’s backs. . . _Until_ you had to transfer to a different university due to perks from your parents working in this certain institution and things started to get blurry ‘til this friendship with him was _nothing._ Until the universe suddenly made it seem like you were never friends at all.

You completely lost touch after your new environment made it difficult for you to take some time to hang out with Taeyong.

The thought being brought back again to your mind made you feel a different type of way. Suddenly, you missed his company again. It’s not like you don’t like your new friends and the new people you met through moving a few cities away from that vicinity where Taeyong is, but it’s just different around him.

If you’re being honest, there’s this sort of comfort—of familiarity—you’ve never felt with anyone else and you’re glad that you didn’t take it for granted when time and universe knew what Zero and Uno were like.

Distracting yourself from your thoughts and bits of memories with him in your head, you decided to just let it out by letting the words flow through your fingertips and typed away.

**dear zero,**

**lol, i don’t even know if you still remember me. but i hope you still do, i’m the only one who ever called you ‘zero,’ don’t i? kidding. it’s really fine, i really just want to wish you a happy birthday, wherever you might be right now. i don’t think i have properly greeted you over the years, and i don’t feel like i should because we barely talk anymore. how long did we last keep in touch? three years, right? i didn’t want to make it seem like the time lost between us was just nothing, like one day i'd just appear back in your life. . . because what if i don't have space to be there anymore? what if i'm just a part of what was back then?**

**to be fair, it actually affected me—the whole drifting apart thing that went on. especially when i usually see you on the timeline or on my feed and i couldn’t even do anything about it. i wanted to reach out, but maybe i was scared. . . of what changed between us and the possibility that maybe it isn’t the same way as before.**

**anyway, enough of that shit. you’re probably laughing over this or won’t even care (if ever you’ll read this), but i wanna wish you a happy birthday! happy birthday, zero. :) i hope you’re doing really well right now. i hope you had the job you dreamt of or i hope you’re doing what you actually want to do in life. 0, i hope you’re getting all the love you deserve, as much as the love and appreciation you give to the people around you. actually, i do wish you get more than that because you always deserve more.**

**yong. lol, it feels weird calling you that. (or rather, typing that out, haha) ‘zero’ stuck on me, even after all these years of not communicating with you. as i wanted to say, i do hope you know you’re always gonna be that person who always made me feel safe, no matter what the circumstances were. i miss you. i missed having to feel that solace when i’m just sitting right next to you, or when during the long walks we usually take after our classes. or even when we’re working on our own uni paperwork, even if it feels pressuring and sometimes suffocating. . . your presence always calmed me down and i truly hope you know that. i wish i had let you know.**

**zero, you are comfort personified and i hope i didn’t take you for granted.**

**i hope you’re still the same person as i’ve known you to be, taeyong. i hope you’re living life as you should, with the childlike twinkle in your eyes, always ready to approach the world with a heart as pure as yours. i’ve always admired that about you.**

**thank you for being you, my zero. i’ll always adore you with my entire being.**

**i hope you’re staying safe wherever you are. . . and happy, of course. you deserve every ounce of happiness in this world because you always bring that to people around you.**

**i know because you do make me happy. you did, at least in the time we had.**

**happy birthday again, you goofy dork! even if time has separated us apart, you’ll always have me.**

**‘til we meet again (will we ever?),**

**your uno.**

After typing that out, you felt like crying, a heavy load on your chest suddenly weighing you down. Okay, maybe you lied to yourself earlier before even finishing this birthday letter for him.

Maybe you still know Taeyong. You still know him as if it was just yesterday that you met him; as if the years that went by without him never really happened.

He still comes by your thoughts, your mind when you’re alone; when you’re not too preoccupied. You remember him during times when you want to call somebody up when you can’t sleep. You remember him when you get annoyed with your friends and you just want to vent out. You remember him when you decide to walk home instead of taking the trains or the bus.

Taeyong comes by your mind when you slowly unlock achievements in your life and there’s nobody to celebrate it with, aside from your family and other friends.

Taeyong is there, even just in your thoughts, when you feel lost, wishing he’s there physically to do something just to make you laugh.

 _I want to send him the letter_ , you tell yourself, eyes trailing back to the words you’ve spilled on your screen.

Your eyes hover again to the digital clock in the corner of your laptop screen and it reads _12:07 AM_ and below is the date of another day. _07/02/2020_.

You sigh in disappointment and realize that maybe it really wasn’t meant to be. Maybe the universe didn’t really want you to send it because you’ll end up embarrassing yourself when he reads it.

But you knew you couldn’t just delete _those_ out just like that. Just because you weren’t able to send it. You’ve always held on to every word you’ve typed and wrote out from your heart and you know you couldn’t just let it go to waste, so you decided to just dump it on an old private blog you had put up back when you were still in university. You mostly dump every rambling and though you have and nothing much were personal, but all the words you’ve written out always meant something to you and that blog was just a way of safekeeping of your ideas and feelings you want to express.

Just a few minutes of clicking away in your laptop, you had the letter put up, quiet in that corner of this universe.

You let out another exhale as soon as you closed your computer, and plopped onto your bed, staring at the ceiling. You could still hear from outside your place’s window the sound of cars passing by and people walking by the building.

The emotions that you got just a few minutes ago wasn’t enough to tire you out and put you to bed, so you laid there in silence, being in the moment and enjoying your own company though everything feels so silent.

You hum a random tune when your phone makes a sound again.

 _joshua!_ pops on your screen the second you sat up in your bed, looking at your phone beside you. “Hello?” you say, picking up the call.

“Hey, did I wake you up?” Joshua says on the other line.

“Oh, no! Not at all,” you tell him, shaking your head as if he could see you.

“Cool, because I’d be really sorry if I did.” Your brother’s friend chuckles on the other line and then says, “By the way, I’m already with Cheol and Jeonghan now. Letting you know already because I might forget to message you when I drop them off.”

“Thanks for letting me know, Josh!” you say to him. “Are you at the party venue now?”

“No, the party ended a few moments ago. We actually stopped by McDonald’s for a while. I'll take them back to their place in a few minutes.”

“Ah,” you trailed. “Thank you for rescuing their drunk asses. I don’t know how you stand them.”

Joshua laughs again on the other line. “No biggie! Anyway, I have to go now and take care of these two.”

“Okay, drive safely!”

“Thank you,” he says, bids goodbye, and then drops the call.

You stood up from your bed, putting your phone on your pocket and looked out your window, at the not-so-starry sky.

_Wouldn’t hurt to get some ramen at this hour, right?_

Deciding on that, you grabbed your sweater because it’s a bit chilly outside and you wouldn’t want to catch a cold before you sleep. After grabbing your wallet, your feet take you towards your door, and out you went.

From the second floor where your pad is, you took the stairs, fishing out the keys just in case the apartment manager had already locked the front door of the building.

To your surprise, it wasn’t at all, proving your assumptions wrong as you tried moving the knob. You immediately stepped out of the building in your most comfortable clothes and took another flight of stairs taking you to the street’s sidewalks.

“4, 3, 2. . .” you count off the stair steps in your head. It has been a habit of yours ever since you lived here. “1.”

“Uno,” you hear a voice as soon as you say _one_.

Confused, you immediately asked yourself internally as to why you would hear _that_ familiar voice. _Have I completely lost it?_

Finally reaching the sidewalk, you looked up. . .

_Zero._

. . .only to realize he’s been standing there. _Taeyong is here._

“Nothing has changed, huh?” he asks, a ghost of a smile noticeable on his face. Taeyong fiddles with his pockets, feeling a bit uneasy and not knowing what to say. "The heck Yong, what are you doing here?" he asks himself internally. His eyes trailed down to his shoes and then gave you another look, inquisitiveness, and wonder evident in his eyes. “You still call me ‘Zero’?”

_Oh, fuck. Did I think aloud? Did he hear me call him Zero?_

“Hey,” was all you muttered and then followed by a laugh. “You could say that.”

“Where are you headed?” “Why are you here?”

You both ask your questions at the same time, and it feels like the old times because you laugh in unison at how this scenario’s getting more awkward.

“Where are you headed?” Taeyong repeats. “At this hour? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” You can hear the worry in his tone. He asked because something tells him you’re bugged about something.

Only he doesn’t know is that it’s because of him and your goddamn memories of him resurfacing for the past hour.

“I. . .” you paused, fidgeting with the wristwatch you’re still wearing, feeling like your heart’s up in your throat. You couldn’t speak, shook by how surreal this is; how Taeyong is just standing in front of you. _Is this a dream? Is the universe messing with me?_

Taeyong tilts his head, a smile forming again on his lips, eyes expectant for what you were going to say. The action makes your stomach churn in fondness as you giggled at what he did. “He still hasn’t changed, has he?” you asked yourself quietly while trying to form the words in your head.

“I’m actually getting ramen at the convenience store just down the block. . .” you tell him, eyes trying to meet his, slightly hoping something changed so you aren’t feeling things again. But here he is, the guy you first knew from a Philosophy class in university, eyes screaming with softness, comfort, and childlike innocence.

_Ah, yes. That’s Zero for you._

“Why are you here?” you asked. Because you literally have no idea why all of sudden, he shows up at the doorstep of the apartment you live in when you barely tried meeting up with him over the years. How could he even know you’re here. . .?

There’s a long pause that he took, internally talking to himself. _Yeah, right, Yong. How could you show up all of sudden? When you didn’t even try reaching out as you were trying to squeeze in time for each other? When you both started drifting apart? You didn’t even try checking up on them knowing you only had each other as life became a mess. . ._

“Why am I here?” Taeyong asks himself mentally, immediately hearing Taeil’s voice from the party moments ago.

" _You know you already want to ask him, Yong,_ " the older tells him hours ago, arms crossed with a cup of beer in one hand as he approached Taeyong after he saw the boy greet Seungcheol as the party started.

“I don’t know, man,” Taeyong mutters, lips aching to pout in frustration, bringing his cup to his mouth to just drink away whatever he’s feeling. His gaze still follows Seungcheol, wanting to ask about something. _Someone_.

Taeil wraps an arm around him, as they both watch the party scene. “Look, my boy. You’re the one who’s being celebrated here but you’re not acting like it. And we both know the reason why.” He raises an eyebrow to the boy.

“I actually don’t. . .?” Taeyong replies, unsure, looking back at his older friend.

“C’mon, Yong. You’re being in denial.”

“About what?”

Taeil gives him another glare. “Really, Taeyong? You really want me to lay it out for you? Years of you longing for a certain somebody?”

“But, Taeil. . .” He pouts.

“Yong, I know you’re expecting somebody tonight, and we both know it’s _your_ Uno.”

The moment _Uno_ fell off his lips, Taeyong was struck in a sense that he had to drink what’s in his cup all at once.

“See,” Taeil says, laughing at how Taeyong just proved he’s right by how he drank quickly. “I swear kid, just ask her twin where she is right now, or how she’s doing. . . It wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

Taeyong was about to protest once more but the older one just cuts him off by saying, “No more buts, Yong. Do what your heart wants, alright?” He pats his shoulder and then walks away from him, greeting another friend at the party.

And so, _that_ was what Taeyong did.

“Actually, I asked Cheol at the party about you and where I could find you,” he finally answers your question, staring back at you, searching for any signs on your face that tell him that you don’t need him there. _Well actually, who needs somebody you haven’t seen for the past years suddenly showing up outside your door in the middle of the night?_

“Even though I miss you, I had to put the thought down because how would I know if you still remember me or you still consider me as a friend even though there was so much time we need to make up for,” Taeyong pours out. It’s probably the small amount of alcohol still in his system that was somehow making him brave suddenly but he doesn’t care.

“And showing up here and you calling me the name you call me tells me that you still do remember me,” he adds, chuckling as he goes back to a few minutes ago where you literally said ‘Zero’ the moment you saw him. “Uno, I wasn’t supposed to be here ‘til I received a notif.”

“A notif?”

“You posted in your old blog, right? It notifies the followers when you post something after going inactive. And I hope you still remember that I followed you there when we were still in uni back then,” Taeyong explains more, making your head ache. _Fuck. He read the letter. Taeyong read it. What the heck._

“And it’s hard to miss when the title is intended for me.” _dear zero._ _Haha, of course, he wouldn’t miss that. I am a dumb piece of crap._

“I’m so sorry you had to read that,” you told him, wanting to look at anything else than him; wanting to be anywhere else than be here, awkwardly standing right in front of him.

“No, the letter’s actually nice. I love it,” Taeyong says, smiling as his gaze shifts from you to the lights leading to the other side of the street. “I missed your words, Uno.”

 _I miss you_ , Taeyong wants to say and just wrap you in his arms, pull you in for a hug like he used to because it’s all he needs now; all he needs more than all the gifts he received earlier. But time does really change things, so he just stayed rooted to the ground, being in the moment.

This would suffice. . . _for now._

Taeyong knows how your own words mean to you and how _this_ silence is killing you right now, so he decides that he’ll just talk to you about it earlier. “You wouldn’t mind having company to get some ramen, right?” he asks, completely diverting the topic, and also knowing that him showing up tonight interrupted your late-night plan.

“No, I don’t really mind,” you answered, smiling at him, walking closer to him. “Being with an old friend would be nice tonight.”

-

The walk to the convenience store you told him about wasn’t that long, and being with Taeyong didn’t feel that much awkward compared to what you expected. It just felt like it was one of those days when you both do your uni work at campus and it will take you hours ‘til the sun had finally said goodbye and you’ll walk out of there, moon saying hello to the both of you as you decide to grab dinner at the nearest shop on campus, which is the convenience store.

And tonight, there’s no difference. You’re still you, and Taeyong’s still Taeyong.

He just asked the usual questions like how have you been and what’s it like living in the city. . . There were other questions he wanted to ask but he figured he’d just ask them later if you’re still both spending time longer.

Taeyong opens the store door for you with a smile. “After you.”

 _“God, he still hasn’t changed. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. How did this night turn out to be this way?_ ” you asked yourself, stepping into the store, greeting the cashier who can already recognize you because of the frequent nights you’ve always been here, killing time.

“Okay, so who’s the new guy?” the cashier asks after saying hi, halting you from completely losing yourself in the shop’s aisles. Taeyong offers them a smile while waiting for you to introduce him to your usual late-night acquaintance.

“Um. . .” you pull Taeyong by his wrist, the first contact you’ve had with him since you guys saw each other just minutes ago. “. . .Taeyong, my friend.”

“Ah, _friend_ ,” the cashier replies, not believing what you said, seeing how Taeyong had just looked at you as he opened the door for you earlier.

You roll your eyes at them, awkwardly laughing as you pulled Taeyong with you into the aisle where the noodles are. The cashier has become a friend too since you moved around the area. “Hey, we’ll just grab some ramen!” you told them.

Meanwhile, Taeyong just kept staring at your hand on his wrist. His stomach flipped the moment you grabbed him earlier, but you didn’t have to know that. You didn’t have to know that he’s oddly fond and giddy having you around.

“What are you getting?” you asked him as you immediately snatched your usual preference from the shelf. Your eyes instantly meet, making him laugh out of nowhere.

“What?” With confused eyes, you laugh with him too. You’ve never heard of him laugh for _so_ long. It’s something you missed hearing and you’re glad that even maybe just for tonight, he’s back. “Why are you laughing?” A nudge by the shoulder. _Second contact._ “Come on, Yong. Go pick your ramen. Or whatever you wanna have.”

Taeyong crosses his arms at the sudden change of name you called him. “Oh, you’re calling me ‘Yong’ now?” He giggles, eyeing the stacks of noodles and cup packages on the shelves. He finally finds his pick and then turns another corner, towards the cashier. “You barely called me that throughout our whole friendship. Why call me ‘Yong’ now?”

He drops his cup noodles on the counter and grabs yours, turning to the cashier, saying ‘I’ll pay,’ to which they immediately oblige. He puts his hand on top of the counter, leaning onto it and finally turns to you, eyebrows raised, waiting for your answer.

You being you, you just shrugged in return, not knowing too as to why you called him that. As a matter of fact, that nickname of his kinda annoyed you due to the fact that everybody was calling him that.

Suddenly, you can hear Kun’s voice in your head whenever he’s trying to catch you being in denial over everything. ‘ _Ah, she’s putting up walls again. There she is_.’

_Fuck, I really wish Kun wasn’t right all the time. I really should spend less time with him. Why did we become friends again?_

Your thoughts get interrupted when the cashier speaks, handing your ramen fresh out of the microwave. “I’ll actually be closing the store in a few minutes because my manager told me so earlier. I guess I’ll just give you your time to eat, and then I’ll clean up around.”

“Oh. . .” you say. _Haha, I guess seeing Taeyong would be short-lived._

“No problem,” Taeyong says, on the other hand, and gives his payment for the food. “Wait, I’m gonna pay,” you tell him, suddenly fishing money out of your wallet.

He stops your hand. “No need. My treat.”

“But-” You get cut off as he shot you a look telling you to not push it, so you just kept mum and took your ramen from the counter and smiled at the cashier before rushing to catch up with Taeyong to sit at the tables in front of the store.

As you both found the table, you took the seat just beside him. _Nostalgic_ , you want to blurt out if you were to describe the moment. Maybe it’s because this used to be your routine, or you really just have a thing with convenience store runs during evenings. Then you look over to your shoulder, a glimpse of Taeyong by your side, opening his noodles and immediately dipping his spoon in the soup to sip.

_Ah, yes. He’s the only reason why._

“Hmm?” Taeyong looks at you, getting a forkful of noodles. “What’s up?”

“Happy birthday,” you mutter, smiling at him and then immediately avoiding his gaze and starting to consume your meal. “Well, belated happy birthday. . . I know I’m pretty late.”

“Still counted.” He smiles at you and then shifts his eyes to the street lights around the store. “It came from you, so it still counts. Thank you, Uno.”

The following minutes were just occupied by silence, a comforting one. Finishing your late-night ramens, you hear the cashier say, “Closing in a few!” and that was your cue to throw your trash and perhaps say goodbye to Taeyong.

_Well, at least you’ll properly say it this time instead of disappearing out of nowhere._

You both stood outside the store in silence, waiting who’s gonna be the first one to say goodbye and who’s gonna be the first to leave.

“So…” Taeyong starts. “You’re heading back now? I’ll walk you home.”

“Mhmm,” you tell him. “How about you? How are you gonna get home?”

“Might just call a friend,” he says flatly, and that was that.

The quietness on your way home was unbearable. You still want him to stay, because you know this too-good-to-be-true occurrence shouldn’t just be let go just like this. Not when Taeyong is involved here.

_Most especially when Taeyong is involved._

You were just a few meters away from your apartment when you finally decided. “Zero.”

Taeyong chuckles. “Okay, from Yong to Zero.”

You rolled your eyes at him, not wanting to bicker because time is slowly running out. “What’s up?” he asks.

“Do you wanna come over for a drink? I mean, we haven’t even got anything to drink earlier. And I don’t know, maybe it’d be nice to have coffee or tea. . .” you say, completely blabbering and you’re already thinking how stupid this idea is. “. . .or ice cream. I mean, if you like. It’s really understandable if you’re gonna go home. Besides, it’s so late now.” Waiting for his answers, you kept your arms crossed, hugging yourself due to the night breeze. _God, you are so embarrassing. Why would you invite him over at midnight?_

On the other hand, Taeyong was considering. But also finding himself stupid if he accepts the offer. But then the need to catch up time with you in an odd hour is so strong, he knows he also couldn’t let this pass. He wanted to ask you things. About the letter. What it meant. What he meant to you.

Taeyong also wants to let you know what you are to him. You’ve never really reached that part where you had to ask questions about what you guys really had; if it was something romantic more than platonic. But maybe the time is _now_ , Taeyong thought. Because if he’s feeling this way over the years when you were gone, it must mean something, right? You mean something to him, right? And one doesn’t actually long for somebody this way if it was just a _friend_.

You were more than just a friend to him and he thinks that it’s time for these thoughts and emotions to let out of the box in his chest because he knows he’d regret this over time and it’s something he doesn’t want to sit with him for years, or maybe forever because somebody like you takes forever to forget.

And because Taeyong is a fool for you, he says-

“Okay, let’s get coffee.”

You didn’t expect him to actually say yes, but somehow you’re glad he did.

-

As Taeyong stepped foot in your apartment, he wasn’t surprised that it felt the same from the old flat you used to live in (and the one he used to know). It seemed like you hadn’t moved at all, though some of your things are new and the balcony now is placed differently due to the building’s standards and design.

He knows why though—why your place doesn’t seem like it changed. Or rather, it didn’t seem like you moved houses. It still felt familiar. And that’s because Taeyong knows you don’t like change. You take your time to adapt to new things. Probably why you kept the way things were even though you’re living in a new building now.

Now he wonders if you ever felt like you had to keep things the same way with him when you drifted apart—distant as if you weren’t friends. Or if ever you felt the same way as him: trying to fill the void you had left when you were gone.

Taeyong started looking around the apartment, feet approaching the huge bookshelf you have around your small living room. He stares at the few photos you had displayed, but mostly your new friends which he doesn’t even know of any more. His eyes also catch some polaroids in there, and one of which has the two of you in it.

Actually thought you don’t have any trace of Taeyong? That’s what you just thought. . . But really there’s still _this one_. You haven’t actually been cleaning up your shelves due to busyness, but if you’ve seen that one, you’ve probably kept that one away, tucked with other little pieces that remind you of him.

Taeyong smiles at the photo, picking it up from where it’s sitting with the arranged books and other little trinkets. The polaroid is a picture of you sitting together; you leaning your head towards his shoulder, while he rests his on top of yours. You both had your eyes closed as the picture was being taken. He was smiling while you weren’t and just pretending to be sleeping. He remembers that night.

He remembers how you easily took him in your world. That night was one of Seungcheol’s friends’ parties and you needed somebody to go there, aside from your twin. And Taeyong was the easiest and safest choice to go with. Well, really, he’s the _only_ choice you have. And the only one you’ll keep choosing, no matter how much you try to deny it to your friends.

Which goes the same with Taeyong. And that night was the day that everything was starting to make sense with him—that there’s never been anybody like you in his life, and he wouldn’t want to trade it for anything that might come in his way. He’d rather hold onto whatever this is with you than have nothing.

He realized it that night. The way you easily showed him what it was like being in your own little bubble—meeting your friends and some of the people you treasure the most, how you are at a party and yet even though Taeyong never saw you in that light, you completely acted at ease around him. . . the way you showed him that part of your world made him realize that you are _it_.

Taeyong has never seen you shine bright at that time, where you smiled a lot being surrounded by these people you know so much, where he saw you genuinely had a good time, and he told himself that night that he’s gonna keep you close for as long as he can.

“Ah, Uno’s really my person,” he tells Taeil the day after that. His friend laughed aloud after he heard it. “You think, Yong? You’re only realizing that now?” Taeil asked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Taeyong asked his friend. And over the years, he only realized why.

It was too late for him to realize that because the days that followed after the part was a turning point for your friendship. Those were the days that you had barely kept up with each other ‘til there was nothing but distance and uncertainty.

Taeyong puts back the polaroid to where it belongs and thinks, _maybe it isn’t too late now_.

“Feel at home, I guess.” He’s now being taken back from his musings as you spoke up and headed straight to the kitchen, finally deciding to heat some water for coffee, letting Taeyong observe the place you now call home.

“Can I have some water please?” you heard him ask, and you just pointed at the pitcher of water and a tray of glasses on your kitchen counter, not too far away from you. “Help yourself.”

You stood in the middle of the kitchen in silence. "I'm tired," he mutters, standing beside you while you both stare at the kettle you've put on.

Laughing at him, you ask, "How was the party earlier?"

“You didn’t come, though." Taeyong retorts, sleepy eyes meeting you.

". . .I wasn't invited, Zero," you say, tone confused at what he just said.

"I sent you an invitation. . ." he says, and then suddenly realizing where you both are now, he adds: "Oh, now I get it. I think I sent it to your old apartment."

"Ah, probably." A pause. "But you invited me?" You never thought he would. Sucks that the invite got at the wrong location though.

"Yeah. But it's alright. I know now that you couldn't go because of my mistake." He shifts his glance to you and then to the kettle. "But would you have come? If you received it?"

You took your time to think about it. But knowing you when it comes to Taeyong, you'd probably go there without any hesitation. It's about time you both reunite, right?

Gladly, the universe was kind to you tonight.

"I would," you replied to him.

The water's boiled. All that's left is to make the coffee.

You grabbed mugs while Taeyong just kept being by your side the whole time.

"Can I lean on you? I feel sleepy," he asked, head ready to find comfort on top of yours.

"Um, okay." And so Taeyong does, as he watched you making coffee. He even slips his arm around your waist, pulling you a little close to him. The proximity of your bodies made you feel tense but got used to it as you directed your focus on making coffee rather than freaking out at how intimate you guys are right now.

Besides, you guys were actually _this_ close when you both spend time together. Taeyong really loves hugs and you're convinced he's just a clingy baby. Which you didn't mind, by the way.

“Okay, so we finally have coffee,” you mutter softly, not really wanting to rob him of the little rest he’s having beside you.

“Yay,” he cheers like a kid after hearing you say that. Taeyong rubs his eyes and then helps you carry the mugs. “So where to?” he asked.

“Balcony.”

-

You both sat on the floor at the terrace, hot coffee both on your hands, warming yourselves as the night was starting to grow colder.

“So,” Taeyong starts, turning his eyes on you, grinning.

“So. . .?”

The two of you kept silent not knowing where to start. You both knew that the way things have unfolded overnight needed to be talked about and it needs to be _now._

“Zero,” you call him, but now turning to your mug, and then to the streets below watching a few cars pass by.

"Yes, Uno?"

You laughed at how he's being himself with you. It literally feels like the universe didn't spend time on keeping you apart.

The way he looks at you makes you wanna choke on your words, so you ask a different one compared to the question you already have in mind.

“So, do you work now?” you asked. “I didn’t know you’re around the city now,” you add, thinking about his stories earlier when he talked about moving around this area. “The old town sucks, huh.”

Having mentioned about the _old town_ , Taeyong laughs. “Yeah, it sucks, because you’re not there anymore.”

You shot him a glare because he’s not taking it seriously. “I’m serious.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, but I meant _that_ ,” he pauses and then turns to you. “Anyway, yeah. I’m working now. . . in Universe Factory? Dunno if you’ve heard them but yep, working alongside Ji-”

“Jihoon!” you blurt out, the name ‘Universe Factory’ familiar with you. “Cheol seems to know that producer. . . Wow, he’s really well-known. That’s good for you, Taeyong.”

“Yep, that one! Seungcheol told me earlier at the party about it, didn’t know he’s friends with the man, but it’s great working with him. I really feel content with this job,” he shares, taking a sip from his warm cup of coffee.

“Plus, I’ve already established a studio of my own. You know, where I can dance and all that. . . Would love for you to come by sometimes, “ Taeyong adds, sparing another look for you.

You just offered him a smile. “I’d love to. . . Well, when I can.”

He grins at you like a child, happy to know that you’d try. You’re actually proud of him to have all these accomplishments in his career. You’ve always seen him back in college hardworking as ever. No wonder he’s come this far. You’re delighted to know that at least tonight you got to know that he’s content where he’s at right now.

Taeyong suddenly opens his phone to play some music, and you let him be though since the silence between the two of you can be deafening. He scoots closer to you, shoulders bumping and you just both laugh. _God, I’m going insane. Why are we like this?_

You both shifted your eyes at the view across the building—another apartment, still having some lights on, the quiet street below, and some city lights accompanied by the trees by the sidewalks.

You feel Taeyong move closer, his chin on your knee as you have your knees up, hugging them as your chin’s on the other. Completely getting your attention, he smiles when you finally look at him. _Please, you’re too close._

“What?” you breathed, avoiding his gaze and drank from coffee once more. _Okay, coffee is really a bad choice when Taeyong’s acting this way._

“Did you mean it?” he asked, still looking at you, observing your face as he still had his chin on your knees.

You’re always lovely to him, especially when you’re up close like this--just breathing, eyes always looking at things with fascination, words ready to pour out of your mind but then quickly erasing them as your brows meet in such hesitation. Taeyong knows this. He’s memorized you, and somehow it amazes him that he still knows you like he did, watching your lips part ready to say something and then keeping it shut.

He lets you take your time to say something ‘til he hears you exhale, eyes shifting back to him. “Mean what?” you asked.

“The letter.” _Oh no._

“Zero, you know I don’t write anything that I don’t mean,” you told him with a smile. “I really do hope you had a fun birthday.”

“I think now’s better though it’s like an hour late already. I’m happy I got to spend time with you,” Taeyong tells, though he _badly_ wants to ask parts of the letter that’s been bugging him all night from the moment he read it from your blog.

You feel like your heart wants to burst just because of his words. _I can’t take this anymore._ You lean your face at the side of his face, nose poking his cheek, exhaling, and then giggling. He giggles too, feeling like he might die.

You press a kiss on his cheek, and just like your words, you mean it. You are fond of Taeyong and only gestures like this can only express how much you felt for him.

_Ah, okay. . . So you’re finally coming in terms with your feelings, huh._

“I’m happy, too,” you mutter softly, and then distances yourself. You already know you’re gonna regret what you did in the morning, but at least you proved what he meant to you; that you adored him with all your heart, no other words needed.

“I’ve actually. . . read some of your other entries there,” Taeyong confesses, diverting the topic because even he couldn’t take what’s been happening with tonight. He admits it’s great but he also knew you were too, _too_ , too bad for the thing in his chest. You know how to keep him and his heart in your hands. You might not know it but he’s so, _so_ hopelessly in-

“Oh, you did?” you ask, scared of what he could’ve read in there. It’s not like you write a lot about him. It’s mostly ranting about your life, and sometimes pieces of memories you still carry up to this day that you still want to remember.

“Yep. And there’s this one entry I’ve always been curious about.”

“What have you read, Yong?”

“The one about being tired,” he says, a worried look already plastered on his face as he watches you again. “But it’s like you’re talking about somebody. I don’t know. . . It feels like there’s a huge void in there, but then it also feels like you’re okay with whatever happened.”

After he tried to retell about what you wrote, you immediately got what he was trying to say. It was about a certain ex.

“It’s just about a past relationship. It was fine but I don’t know. Things just suddenly disappeared and it suddenly became tiring-”

Taeyong cuts you off, putting down his mug to the floor, a bit shocked with what you’re talking about. _Okay, he’ll sorta admit his heart’s breaking a little._

“You had a boyfriend?” he asked. _And he didn’t even know or met the guy._ Man, time really does leave you behind about certain things.

“I did, but it’s not like the over-the-top type where I truly got heartbroken,” you told him, a wave of memories crashing on your mind, but you immediately brush it off. It’s not like you haven’t moved on, but you really just don’t wanna look back on that. And besides, you and your ex had patched it up a few months after the breakup, so no grudges at all.

“I just didn’t expect it would end that way, but we both respect each other, so we just come to _that_ decision. To. . . just break up,” you added, looking at him.

“Did he hurt you or something?” Taeyong asked, starting to grow worried.

“Oh, no. Wonwoo’s a nice guy. We really just got busy with work, and the relationship got boring so. . .” you trailed, shoulders shrugging.

“So the guy’s name’s Wonwoo,” he states, pursing his lips. “I think I’ve heard of him before.”

“Yeah, you probably have. He’s one of Cheol’s friends.”

“Ah. . .” Taeyong deadpans, opting you to look at him, and you could see how his expression changed from earlier.

“God, Zero! Are you worried? You don’t even have to be. It’s been a year since we parted anyway, and it’s not like I still hold feelings for him,” you reassured him. You know how worrisome he can get about these types of things where you have to go through such matters and he isn’t even there.

“You don’t. . .have feelings for him anymore?” he asked, quite taken aback because he has already assumed you still have and has started overthinking that he doesn’t have a chance anymore.

Man, the overthinking he does when it comes to you? _Crazy._ You could even ask Taeil about it because he witnessed everything when you were gone (and he’d see pictures of you on his feed or timeline). Even when Taeyong isn’t saying anything, Taeil knows what’s up and it’ll always be about you.

“No, and I honestly think it was just a fleeting feeling that I felt for him. Maybe that’s why we fell out pretty quickly.”

Hearing that from you draws out a relieved sigh from Taeyong, which makes you laugh.

“Tsk, Zero. Why are you easily worried? It’s in the past anyway.”

With a smile, he shakes his head as a reply.

"What, Yong? What are you thinking?" It's always been this way whenever he falls into silence and you being the friend would just ask and bug him about it. "Go on and tell me about it. I need to hear what's on your mind. We've been away from each other for years. You deserve to be heard," you say, nudging him with your elbow with a comforting giggle that's been imprinted on his head since the day he first made you laugh with how dorky he can be.

"You keep on asking me questions the entire time and that's kinda unfair," you spoke, interrupting his thoughts once more.

' _Of course_ ,' Taeyong thinks, going back to your words a few phrases ago. _You deserve to be heard_. Your words echo in his mind like his favorite song.

 _You_ deserve to hear what he has to say. And probably more, _much more_ than what he has to offer.

Suddenly, another song plays in the background, the one from his phone, eyes twinkling in excitement, completely distracting him from fully confessing to you. Taeyong stands up and holds out his hand to you. “C’mon,” he invited.

“What? What are you gonna do? You haven't even told me shit about your life, Z."

“C’mon, we’re dancing, Uno,” he says, beaming as if he wasn’t feeling sleepy earlier. _Coffee’s finally kicking in._

“Are you serious right now, Taeyong?”

“Uno,” he repeats. And with that low voice of his, you figured he really is serious, so you took his hand and stood up.

The living area is just a few steps away from where you were both standing so he pulls you there, holding you with his arms, and the two of you just started twirling around, only lit up by the faint light from your kitchen.

"I recently finished the choreography for this song," Taeyong rambles, a smile escaping his lips. _He loves dancing so much_ , you tell yourself, looking straight at him while his eyes wander the vicinity of your living room, thinking about a week of practicing.

You suddenly remember days when he'd invite you over to dance practice. Most especially when he takes the university studio all by himself and he just wants somebody to be with, and of course, that would be you.

You'd bring all your paperwork in there, while you wait for Taeyong to repeatedly go through the dance moves he needed to learn or the dances he needed to make. He was _that_ dedicated to his time.

And at moments when a lightbulb flickers open above his head, he'd jump excitedly around the studio while you were busily answering papers and writing essays. Taeyong would annoy you the heck out of it just because of his happiness over having thought of a new addition to his choreography.

You couldn't even forget that one dance practice for one performance he had. He was so close to backing out for that event, also because his mind's starting to get into a creative slump and the amount of uni work is starting to overwhelm him.

But when he kept trying to go over the song, trying to piece his ideas together, he finally had something in mind, which excited him so much to the point that he had to scream in the studio.

"Uno, Uno, Uno _!!!_ " he called, trying to get your attention, while you were on the other end of the studio, busy on the floor with your readings and reviewers.

You just ignored him, thinking that it was just typical of him.

"I have finally got it!" he mutters excitedly, hopping on his feet.

From your peripheral vision, you could see him dashing towards your side of the room. And what you didn't expect was the next thing he did.

Taeyong was _so_ ecstatic about his choreography that time that he had to run across the room to where you were sitting just to give you a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so happy~" he sing-songs, cupping your face with delight and fully interrupting your reading session.

When he realized what he just did, he quickly apologized and tried laughing it off.

That day never left your mind since. Everything just happened quickly, it took you days to process it (but also because though the whole Hey, Taeyong Kissed You On The Cheek sign was blinking wildly up in your head, you had to think of more important things which are uni-related matters.)

"What are you smiling about?" You suddenly hear Taeyong's voice again, pulling you back into reality.

And now you are back, enclosed within his space. His hand on your waist, while the other is clasped with yours.

"Nothing," you answer. He can't know that you just remembered that _incident_.

"Uno. You're hiding something."

"No, I'm not," you denied.

"Uno."

"What? Am I not supposed to enjoy the comfort of my own thoughts?"

"What were you thinking about?" he repeats.

"Nothing," you say flatly, sounding like it was final and he really would not get the answer from you.

You feel him squeeze your waist and start tickling you. You stifle a gasp and laugh, hitting his shoulder. "Zero, stop it! I'm not going to tell you!!!"

Your hand immediately finds the one he's using to tickle you and you try all your might to stop him from doing so. "Taeyong, stop it!" you say, still laughing.

He laughs too, holding up both of his hands, letting you know he will stop. "Okay, okay. I'll not push it." His touch finds its way back to your hands and now he’s pouting (though really it’s just his attempt of fishing out thoughts from you).

“I swear to God, Yong, _that_ ’s not working,” you say, pushing his face away because of how he ridiculously [cute he] looks right now.

Taeyong slowly leads you along with the music, eyes on you, and then smiles, teasing you.

“You’re so annoying,” you scoffed. _So annoyingly endearing._ _Fuck._ “Okay, but really. . .”

“Hmm?”

“After all these years, I still don’t know why you call me _Uno_. Why?”

“Because you call me Zero,” he answers sarcastically and you swore right there and then that you’d actually smack his head. _God, he’s really so annoying._

“Yong. . .” you complained.

“See? And then you call me Yong,” Taeyong says, tutting to annoy you more.

“Not funny!” He just laughs at you. _Oh, if you only knew._

“But really why?”

“ _Only one,_ ” he whispers, voice so low it’s as if he only mouthed the words.

“What? I didn’t get what you just said.”

“I said just figure it out yourself.”

“I can’t figure it out without context, Zero,” you glared at him for making it difficult for you, because you clearly have no clue.

“Sorry,” he apologized as if teasing you and shrugged.

You pushed him in annoyance but just chuckled and went back to the balcony, suddenly remembering about the warm drinks you had left.

Of course, Taeyong follows you, but then also says, “You’ll know it.”

“I don’t know, Z,” you tell him, back on sitting on the floor and quietly enjoying the solace your balcony gives you.

He sits with you in silence and finally drinks the last drops of coffee from his mug.

"I have a question,” you utter.

"Okay, shoot," Taeyong says, still holding on to his mug though his drink’s already finished.

"Why. . . now? Why show up all of a sudden?" Your voice trembles in nervousness as you tried fixing the hem of your sweater to distract yourself from how serious you're starting _this_ conversation with him.

He clears his throat, and gently puts his cup down on the floor and clasps his hand; nervous, thinking he's unable to breathe.

" _I like you_ ," Taeyong initially thought as an answer. You've both been beating around the bush for years of your friendship and he figures now's not the time to keep pushing it back and like nobody ever felt anything between the two of you. But-

But he also knows you both can't rush into these things with that being said, and it needs transition. Especially when years had caught up between the two of you.

“I told you already. I took the letter as a sign. And also I didn’t expect that when I come running to your place you’d exactly be outside your door,” he explains.

“No, Taeyong. You could’ve shown up out of nowhere. You sometimes talk to my twin. . . I’m just wondering _why._ Because what if I hadn’t put up the letter? What if I decided to just erase it altogether?” you say. You had so many questions other than that, but you know you had to ask _these_ , the past years were just a time of constantly asking yourself whenever Taeyong comes by on your mind, picking your memories apart, emotions and feelings resurfacing that only leaves you confused.

And you don’t want that. You don’t want to keep on asking for a lifetime just because chances have passed up or clearly just because the timing was wrong. Because no matter how much you denied it in your head, you both knew something was going on, you just didn’t think things would get _cut off_ so abruptly like how both of you disappeared into thin air in each other’s lives.

“I just. . . “ he trails. _Oh, shoot. Am I really doing this?_ he asks himself, eyes wandering from your surroundings to you.

“I just. . .”

“What?”

“I just don’t want to lose you completely,” Taeyong blurts out the part of his truth.

“But you never did, Zero.”

Now it was his turn to ask. “But you could’ve reached out as you said in your letter. Why didn’t you? I wouldn’t even shut you out if you did.”

“As I wrote in the letter, I was scared,” you tell him, turning to him, heart vulnerable and you don’t even care anymore. Taeyong was always the one who you tell things about when you’re always terrified of things like uncertainty, and people usually find it absurd, but Taeyong never did. He always understood what you meant, and now you’re hoping it would especially when it involved your sentiments about him.

“What’s there to be scared of?” Taeyong asks, chuckling a bit. He knows you both knew about anything with each other’s lives and he doesn’t know why you’re scared. He’s just _him_ , what else can he do to you?

“I don’t know? The changes time brought when we weren’t in each other’s lives? Or scared that maybe you didn’t need me in this part of your life anymore?” you told him as he moved closer to you, head leaning on your shoulder.

And just like that, the uneasiness you’re having because of this conversation completely washes over just by that simple gesture. Taeyong will always be _comfort_ to you, much more like a home, and you probably don’t know but you’re also his.

He sighs. “Uno, I’ll always need you in this life.”

“But would it be possible that you’re only saying that because you miss me because of your memories of me? Because sometimes I think about that about me with you. What if this is just for today? What if maybe it’s just pure longing and nothing more just because we’re so attached to that idea because of the time we’ve spent apart?”

“You’re overthinking, Uno,” he tells you, hands finding yours to reassure you that it’s not how it looks in your head, and whatever this is so far from what you’re thinking. “But I understand where you’re coming from.” Taeyong lifts his head for a while just to send you a smile. _He always understands, of course. He always will._

“Uno,” he says, leaning back on your shoulder.

“Oh?”

“I like you, I really do,” he confessed, hoping it’d somehow be the answer to your questions. He thinks that because even his emotions towards you are inexplicable, so though lacking in words, he’s hoping it would suffice (and hopefully, as days go by, he’d prove it to you.

“What?!” You suddenly want to run out of there, wish it was a dream, and just pretend it never happened. “It’s just like a friend, right?”

“No,” he answers in a beat.

“Yong, are you serious?” you ask, completely going terrified of the feelings suddenly growing as soon he blurted that out.

 _That was his truth and maybe you weren’t ready for that._ Maybe that was what you’re scared of.

He squeezes your hand as an answer and nods while he’s still leaning on your shoulder. “I’m serious. So if ever you don’t feel the same, just turn me down and tell it to my face right now or else I’ll just keep on having false hopes because I still think about your words from your letter.”

You exhaled, breath shaking out of all your worries and nervousness. _Is this really what it feels like when you bare your heart out?_

“Zero, Zero, Zero,” you say, trying to calm yourself despite having such a peaceful ambiance at this time of the day. Your eyes flicker to your watch. It’s almost 2:00 a.m. and you’re literally having this conversation with Taeyong.

_Universe, you are crazy._

“Uno, Uno, Uno,” he imitates you, chuckling.

“No, seriously. . .”

He keeps silent and waits for you to say anything.

“I told you, I really mean everything in the letter.”

“Which is?”

“Everything?”

“But please be specific,” Taeyong says in his small voice.

“The adoring you part. I’ll always adore you, Zero.”

“So, that means?”

“Are you being serious right now, or you’re really just messing with me?” you say in frustration. You know how funnily difficult it is to be this way with Taeyong, but you’re always, _always_ , always stressed over him. “I like you, you dumbass.”

“Wait, _you’re_ serious?”

“I can’t with you anymore, Taeyong. I swear I will smack you.”

You’re both just looking at each other and you swear you really want to laugh at how frustrating this is. _God, this man. Help me._

“Okay, so what do we do with this? We really just picked up where we left off and now, we’re out... _here_.”

“I don’t know, Z. I don’t want to just rush into things,” you told him truthfully.

“No, I completely understand. I just didn’t think tonight’s really gonna turn out this way. All I know earlier is I just wanna see you if you’re really here. . . and now, we’re _here._ ”

Softly, you smiled at him. You’ve never really adored someone this much, but you’re willing to give it a try. After all, it’s Taeyong—the boy you’ve treasured the most and you really trust yourself with.

“Hey,” he calls you, pulling you in for a hug. “I know it’s the 2nd already, but thank you. You made my birthday.”

With a kiss on his cheek, you say, “Happy birthday, Zero.”

He smiles and then stays by your side for the rest of the night. You only talked about what you missed in each other’s lives, mostly about his work and some blog entries you’ve put up, and a job you were planning to apply for.

“Hey, Yong?” you called him, as you stared up at the sky not realizing the sky was starting to light up, a shade of pink vivid in your eyes.

You glance at him, as he was just leaning on your shoulder, but you saw he was already fast asleep so you try to wake him up, shaking him. “Hey, you could just crash on the couch.”

“Hmm? I fell asleep?” he asks, rubbing his eyes. You suddenly felt sorry, he must’ve been pretty tired the entire night because of his party, only to stay up late with you.

“Yeah,” you answered. “C’mon, you can sleep inside.” You stood up, pulling him up.

Taeyong drags his body on the couch, plopping down, face-first into a pillow. “‘Kay, I think I’ll leave you there.”

“No, don’t leave me here,” he says, immediately catching your hand before you could even walk away from the living room. “Stay here. Aren’t you supposed to get some sleep too?” his eyes are already closed but he tries to stay awake.

“I still don’t feel sleepy,” you admitted, and it’s probably because of the coffee. “But okay, I’ll stay here.”

You just sat there, still holding his hand, but he squints, seeing you still. “Uno, sleep.”

“Sleep here with me,” Taeyong says in his sleepy voice, eyes completely tired and closed.

And for the baby, you just laid beside him, facing him. He just turned to you, breathing, eyes fully closed, and wrapped you with his arm and completely drifted off to sleep.

“Good night, Zero,” you muttered.

-

“Uno, Uno, Uno,” you hear somebody calling you. Your eyes flutter open and see a Taeyong, hair ruffled with sleepy eyes. “Hmm?”

“I’m gonna head out,” he tells you. “And you also need some sleep. So I’ll just. . .leave you to rest.”

“Are you sure?” He sits up, and you do too, rubbing your eyes and trying to fix your hair which Taeyong helps you with.

“Don’t worry, maybe I’ll come by later. I forgot I have a meeting today,” he explains.

You pout, the feeling of attachment for him lingering as you’ve just spent time together hours ago.

“I’ll see you later,” Taeyong tells you. “But for now, you have to catch up on some sleep.” He stands up from the couch and kisses the top of your head.

You stand up and walk him to your front door. “Bye, Zero.”

“Bye, Uno,” he says, holding your hand up to his lips to give it a peck. He smiles foolishly and ruffles your hair. “Love you,” he says, squeezing your hand before he finally leaves.

You smile as he walks away from your flat and takes the stairs, humming the song from last night. You silently thank the universe and thought, maybe it was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if anybody wants to follow me in twt, follow the [multi writing acc](https://twitter.com/dreamcomets) ! <3


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